What the Demons Think of Women

My dearest Hemlock,

It’s my honor to welcome you to the team. After centuries working in the Ministry for the Absorption of Women (MAW), I’ve found one of my favorite tasks is the training and mentoring of new tempters.

You chose the MAW, presumably, for the same reason I did. You saw early on that the taste of the feminine soul brought you some indefinable, incomparable satisfaction—in short, that it agreed with you. She truly is the glory of man, as even the Enemy has observed, although he could not, of course, know the pleasures we have enjoyed in Eve and her daughters.

The reason many tempters overlook this department is that they are either threatened by woman at her most dangerous (truly, the glory of woman as the Enemy intends her is a fearsome, nasty, morbid thing, all practicalities and gentleness, kind words and interior beauty that deepens with time, maddening hopefulness and self-sacrifice, courage in the face of despair, obedience to the Enemy with disastrous consequences, etc. etc. you’ve heard the rap sheet before I dare say) or that they overlook her because they’ve set their eyes on the particular, but limited, violence of the male sex.

This only shows you the cowardice of these tempters: they can’t handle our specialty. Those who dare little, reap little. What they don’t understand is that the potential for flavor, when we bring these female humans to our Father’s house, is utterly distinct and worth a lifetime of pursuit.

A woman, bent to the will of our Father below, is worthy of any main course: fearful, treacherous, plotting, scheming, inviting others into her despair, lazy, self-indulgent, grasping, terrified of age, duplicitous, or even murderous—the potential for delight is almost endless with a woman, and the gratification of bringing something so beautiful and relational into such depths of ugliness and hatred is truly special. Remember, even our Father went after woman first; what does that tell you?

Anyway, I just mean to congratulate you on your choice of discipline.

That’s all for today. Please send along a copy of the dossier on your first assignment.

Also, whenever possible, please make use of the new slogan—authored by myself and currently being reviewed by the MAW Department of Public Relations (“We tempt because we care”™).


Madame Helvétius

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