The foolish virgin and the eclipse glasses


Then the kingdom of  heaven Eclipse 2017 will be like a foolish virgin married lady with two conventionally-conceived children. For when the foolish lady made plans to view the 2017 American Eclipse, she didn’t buy eclipse glasses on Amazon back in July like a reasonable person who knows she has no time to shop for eclipse glasses. And then the day drew near for the 2017 American Eclipse and she found that even when you order eclipse glasses on Amazon with Prime 2-day shipping, you will get an email saying that verily, your eclipse glasses are NASA certified, but they will not arrive until September.

And then the foolish lady was reduced to a state of panic because she feared for the retinas of her whole family but also didn’t want to miss out on the chance of a lifetime. So she got out and went to Walmart the Thursday before the bridegroom eclipse was set to arrive. She was standing at the customer service counter, having just been informed that Walmart was sold out of eclipse glasses, when suddenly another Walmart employee came near, pushing a cart full of boxes.

“I’ve got a bunch of eclipse glasses here,” he said.

“Eclipse glasses??” said the foolish lady.

“Eclipse glasses??” said the lady behind the counter.

“Yes! Eclipse glasses, right here,” said the man. And he reached into the box and picked up a handful of “Eclipse 2017” shot glasses.

The foolish lady and the lady behind the counter laughed and laughed but of course Walmart was still completely out of eclipse glasses so the foolish lady went on her way. She followed dead leads to the bank, library, and chamber of commerce, and found the glasses always recently sold out.

Then there was a cry, “Here is the bridegroom eclipse! Come out to meet him watch it.” And the foolish lady said to her wise friend, “Give me some of your eclipse glasses, for my family’s retinas are unprotected.” And the wise friend said, “Sure, for verily I paid to have them shipped overnight from Amazon in bulk, and they are NASA certified too, but in order to make my investment back I need to sell them to you for 6 shekels apiece” and the foolish lady was so overjoyed to be able to get any eclipse glasses at all that she would happily have paid double.

Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour  have known this was coming for literally four months.’

 

 

 

 


Matthew 25:

 “Then the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps[a] and went to meet the bridegroom.[b] Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them, but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps. As the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and slept. But at midnight there was a cry, ‘Here is the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’ Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise answered, saying, ‘Since there will not be enough for us and for you, go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’ 10 And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. 11 Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open to us.’ 12 But he answered, ‘Truly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ 13 Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.

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